Casual Breakfast Review Rundown, Entry Number 2: Shoney’s

I have only eaten at Shoney’s once before in my life. I was a teenager and have no recollection of it at all. Before this review, I always thought of Shoney’s as the place old people go to dine when death is mere moments away. Sort of like a whale beaching itself at a mediocre buffet. Other than a friend of mine who worked at Shoney’s in high school, I know pretty much nothing about the restaurant. A Google search revealed that is is related to Bob’s Big Boy, and there are a few hundred Shoney’s spread out across the country. Apparently, they are known for their breakfast buffet. I decided to dodge said buffet because it looked about as sad as the bucket of stale cookies one can find handed out at a methadone clinic. Unlike fine wine, I don’t prefer a good vintage of scrambled eggs. Thus, I opted for the All-Star Breakfast.Shoney’s describes the All-Star Breakfast like this:

Two freshly cracked eggs-your-way* and your choice of sausage or crispy bacon.  Note: It also came with toast and “Breakfast Potatoes”

Well… this was pretty bad. My eggs were a tad over cooked. Which is no big deal really. The bacon was really salty and a tad sweet. Basically okay-ish bacon, and they have Tabasco. Unfortunately, the potatoes were maybe the worst I’ve ever had. Even outside of breakfast spuds in general, these might reign supreme as the crappiest potatoes/homefries to grace a human’s plate. They were cold, not just flavorless but they actually tasted bad, unseasoned, and possibly diseased. I’m pretty sure it was potatoes like this that lead to my Irish ancestors moving to this country from Ireland a few generations ago. If this seems like I’m going a bit too far, I’m not. The plain boiled potatoes served at the concentration camp in Empire of the Sun would have been a welcomed surprise compared to this. My wheat toast was just that, and at $5.99 the price would be fair if my food wasn’t a pile of mediocrity coupled with an aspiring prison-food side dish.I’m mildly interested in the burgers now that I know of the relation to Bob’s Big Boy, but unless you are an early morning food masochist, stay far away from Shoney’s. Actually, this might not be the worst place to break up with a significant other. The food should overshadow any hard feelings someone might have.  Check out my first entry into the Casual Breakfast Review Rundown series for a much better breakfast option.

Pros: I am now done writing about Shoney's.

Cons: Even at it's best, McDonald's blows Shoney's away. Fortunately, other restaurants exist. I always want to pronounce "Jimmy Buffet" as "Jimmy Buff-ay". I don't really like Jimmy Buffet.

Taste: 3.00/10
Value: 3.25/10
Grubbing on-the-go: N/A
Price: $5.99

Overall GrubGrade: 3.00/10

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5 comments on “Casual Breakfast Review Rundown, Entry Number 2: Shoney’s

  1. Branson says:

    I would make love to a breakfast buffet if I could. I can’t help it. I don’t care if it’s the worst amalgamation of powdered eggs, flaccid bacon and crispy pancakes ever: I. Would. Make. Sweet. Love. To. It.

    I guess my point is, you should go with the buffet, next time. And, you know, sex-up the cold, hard biscuits and gelatinous gravy.

  2. Nathan Gentry says:

    Shoney’s was the place to go back when I was in high school. The small town in NC where I grew up didn’t have that many restaurant options, but I remember it being a big treat when my high school class would go for breakfast there, and it was always packed at dinner. I think the chain has gone downhill since the 80’s and 90’s, and many of them closed, but at least back in the day they were a great place to eat, and the buffet wasn’t sad at all.

    • NicDaMone says:

      I agree. I used to go there with my family when I was a kid. It was always packed, and the food was fresh and delicious, but then it went downhill fast. My favorite breakfast (and diner food) is at a regional chain called Jim’s. They’ve been around forever and their food is almost always wonderful.

  3. Raiders757 says:

    I used to go there a lot as a kid as well. I used to love their hot fudge cake. Man, that thing was awesome. Not sure about now, but it was back then. In my 20’s, Shoney’s breakfast buffet was a tradition after a long night of getting crazy and drinking. Never had a problem with flaccid bacon, crispy pancakes or hard biscuits, but that was a long time ago.

  4. Natalie says:

    Oh, the memories are coming back to me now. We had a Shoney’s in my hometown when I was a kid and every year I’d go there for a special birthday lunch with my Granny to get their hot fudge cake. I remember loving that thing…

    Unfortunately they closed the 3 in my hometown when I was a teenager and driving 45 minutes to the closest Shoney’s was never a priority so I haven’t been in 10-15 years, but I don’t remember breakfast ever being that bad.

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