Sandwich Sunday: The Floink (aka, you gotta try this)

The Floink is a culinary achievement on par with the invention of ice cream. It is a gastronomical innovation equal to, if not greater than, the creation of the mass-produced Twinkies. It is a stunning carnival of taste and texture rivaling that of the most sublime peach from an early August bounty, and the kind of dietary heavyweight which kept this country running through thick and think and two world wars.

The Floink, if I am to be so bold, may just be the greatest sandwich ever.


This is how you make one:

1) Lightly toast plain, as-cheap-as-you-can-find enriched white bread. Nothing else is acceptable. Whole grains are frowned upon. The more mass produced, the better.

2) Spread one slice of said bread with a liberal helping of Marshmallow Fluff.

Mallowy Goodness

3) Cover Fluffered bread with tomato, then layer on two slices of bacon (I like Hormel Black Label).

Bacon makes everything better: Or does it?

4) Spread other slice of bread with liberal helping of spicy brown mustard. Spread with layer of leftover center-cut pork loin chops (previously grilled with liberal paste of olive oil and rosemary). Layer 4 cucumber slices on top.

Mad Leftover Skillz

5) Add lettuce and grilled onions to top of bacon.

6) Carefully fold one slice of bread onto the other, careful not to spill this unwieldy yet yummy assortment of toppings.

7) Cut, admire your handiwork, bless your food then stuff your face.

8) Smile.

Insert Opening Music from "Rugrats": It's kinda like that

The end results? I know it sounds terribly weird, and truth be told it was made on an “I feel like playing with my food whim” that often strikes me after a hard-worked day of doing nothing, but for some odd reason it just really works. It has an amazing flavor from the smokey and salty bacon and earthy, crisp sweetness from the vegetables, which only seem to magnify in definition of their natural flavor thanks to a guilty-cheap nostalgic “x-factor” provided by the Fluff. Texturally it hits on all cylinders — from the crisp bacon and lettuce to the gooey, stick-to-your mouth viscosity of the Fluff, this sandwich is like a symphony of every taste sensation you could possibly imagine.

Your Turn: OK, nothing too fancy here. I just want an up or down vote: The Floink…are you with me, or against me? Lars, your thoughts?

I am with you...I love you...

20 comments on “Sandwich Sunday: The Floink (aka, you gotta try this)

  1. Ryan says:

    Not sure where my vote would go on this one Adam. Everything looks good, but Marshmallow Fluff? I fear it. I am strangely intrigued though.

  2. chuck in chicago says:

    Adam, you had me until the Marshmallow Fluff. i say, leave that God-forsaken abomination off the sandwich and you have my vote.

  3. SkippyMom says:

    Ditto what Chuck said. Marshmallow fluff is of the devil on a sandwich such as this.

  4. Katie Ann says:

    I bet the smoky bacon works really well with the Fluff, like a toasted marshmallow. Mmmm. I’m not a big mustard fan, and I’d probably just eat the cucumbers off it first, but I’d try this.

  5. Raiders757 says:

    That fact that the grossest condiment in the world, mayo, was left off, makes this a winner. Then again, I don’t see how marshmallow fluff can bring any sort of advantage to the table here. This combination would be better in a sub roll with Italian dressing replacing the mustard and fluff.

  6. Tracy says:

    hahaha Floink, you win for the name alone. What in the world posessed you to put fluff on that sandwich? Gotta say it would never have been a fleeting thought for me.

  7. Cassaendra says:

    That sounds interesting. I can kind of see where the sweet can go well since I like maple syrup with my bacon. I’d try a bite at least!

    I’ve made some funky salads when I’ve had too much time on my hands, like lentils, TJ Thai chili lime cashews, barley, cucumbers, pear, red grapes and furikake with Pietro sesame miso dressing.

    My favorite that I’ve made several times, takuan (yellow pickled daikon), fukujinzuke (sweet, red pickled daikon), pickled gobo, cucumbers, iceberg lettuce, surimi salad (surimi, cucumbers, kewpie mayonnaise), Korean dried fishies (sweet and spicy), with Pietro sesame miso dressing.

  8. sophia says:

    Adam, I think you’re a genius, but I highly disagree with you about using the white, generic bread. That’s not bread, it’s crap. Yes, I am being entirely snotty about this, but I think with such strong fillings you need a strong base too, don’t you think? I’d say thin, dense slices of dark bread would work well here. Or since you’re using that Fluff, maybe a sweeter bread like raisin cinnamon. It works well with bacon too, I think. Or even just a crusty baguette.

    The pork loin chop was probably convenient leftover, but ham would work so well, too. And instead of tomatoes, I would use thin apple slices. 🙂

    • Adam says:

      Haha Sophia you know I’m a bread guy, but this is just good with cheap bread (or wonderbread!) It’s that X-factor of nostalgia — kinda like what you’d get with a Fluffernutter. Plus, you NEED the soft, airy bread to compliment the sticky nature of the fluff! But thank you for not hating on my sammich, unlike some of these other close minded eaters lol 🙂

  9. Jeremy says:

    We now have all the proof we need to confirm Adam’s addiction to marijuana.

  10. MudSkipper says:

    I’ll have some of whatever you had just BEFORE you came up with this sandwich.

  11. J.B. says:

    Everything but the Marshmallow Fluff.
    Perhaps a nice BBQ sauce instead.
    Mind you if you made it, I would try it, but I don’t think I could build up the nerve to actually voluntarily put Marshmallow Fluff on anything I eat.
    Alcohol would probably help in the decision to eat this sandwich also.

  12. Jessica Leigh says:

    I agree with everyone – it sounds good, except for the marshmallow fluff. In fact, I feel a little sick thinking about it. The bacon with the marshmallow fluff, maybe on slices of french toast (that actually sounds good), but when you add the pork and mustard, you’ve got to stay away from marshmallow fluff, at least for me.
    I think you should replace the fluff with Sweet Baby Ray’s Honey Barbecue sauce – I’m addicted to that stuff. It’s so good. It has a touch of molasses.

  13. Charlotte says:

    That looks delicious! Fluffernutter and spicy mustard, that’s just crazy enough to work. What an interesting idea. How’d you come up with this?

  14. Fran says:

    lol marshmallow fluff. Is it even made out of marshmallows? 😛
    I like my sandwiches made with just out of the oven baguettes, a special mexican sliced steak I make, and as many vegetables as I can get (oh and mayo). I really don’t like sweet in my savory food unless of course I’m making my fried mozzarella stuffed won-tons covered in honey. OH, I could eat those all day.
    I also don’t like barbecue sauce (again, too much sugar) but any sandwich is 10 times better when you use real meat. I really like butter and cucumber sandwiches, but those require English cucumbers which are too expensive for me, but the regular ones are too watery, at least for American bread.
    I probably will never eat marshmallow fluff even if I were drunk as a skunk and high as a kite, but hey, what floats your boat ;).

  15. Aimee says:

    You had me until pork.

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