Snack Review: New! Flavor Blasted Goldfish X’tra Chocolatey and Vanilla Cupcake

It’s been my experience in life that Goldfish flavors are a lot like Power Rangers. They keep cranking out variations on the original formula, but most of them never come close to having the same success as the original. Once more, after a while you don’t even care to follow the madness anymore, choosing to resign yourself to the fact that there will only be one Tommy kicking to poop outta The Putty Patrol, and one, smiling cheddar fish cracker (baked, never fried) getting tossed into your mouth.

All that being the case, once in a while a sequel to the classic act turns up the genuine article, and just as Power Rangers In Space briefly captured my attention as an awkward preteen on Saturday mornings, so to have the two new flavors of Flavor Blasted Goldfish forced me to reevaluate my apathetic stance towards all variant flavors of Goldfish not named Cheddar or Pretzel.

Sweet Goldfish flavors have been popping up more and more over the last few years, and most of them are as bad as the acting on whatever lame Power Rangers spinoff FOX is running these days. There’s even a Chocolate Graham flavored Goldfish flavor already on shelves, but you’d do well to avoid that particular flavor, which is neither chocolatey nor sweet. I actually tasted the Chocolate and X’tra Chocolatey flavors head to head, finding the X’tra Chocolatey flavor to carry approximately 79.53% more chocolate flavor than the Chocolate Graham flavor*. The former has a cool chocolate coating and a burst of richness not found in the hallow cocoa of the Chocolate flavor, which isn’t even worthy enough to grease the joints on my megazord, if you follow my logic. My suggestion is to add them to cocoa puffs and chocolate chex for an awesome breakfast pick-me-up.

Guess which one has more chocolate.

The Vanilla Cupcake is pretty swell too. It’s the kind of bursting vanilla flavor and funfetti-like sweetness which makes you realize that “vanilla” isn’t the same thing as “plain.” I liked the fine sugar and starchy coating on the outside of these little guys, and even felt bad sending their smiling, pleasant faces into my mouth for a kind of destruction not seen since Han Solo sent that Weequay skiff guard into the mouth of the Sarlaac during Return of the Jedi.

No, Goldfish X’tra Chocolatey and Vanilla Cupcake may not be as good as the original Goldfish, but then again, they’re good for what they’re trying to be; new and flavorful variations with enough uniqueness to be appreciated from their progenitor. Yet, like Alpha sticking with subsequent generations of Power Rangers, these two flavors recall the greatness of the original source, smiling faces and all.

*Estimate not subject to actual scientific inquiry, which this blogger neither has the patience nor budget to pursue.

Pros: X'tra Chocolatey is more chocolatey than chocolate graham. Sturdier crunch than hollow bite of the sweet "graham" flavored goldfish. Memories of putties. Made with whole grains, or brains, when you consider each goldfish is basically a big head. Cupcake goldfish a healthier way to get your inner cupcake on. Funfetti without the fear of burning down the house.

Cons: Destroying a smiling fish cracker. Unrealistic serving sizes. Admitting I still very much love Power Rangers.

Price: 1.00(on sale

Overall GrubGrade: 8.50/10

More Info: GoldfishFun.com
Nutrition Facts:
Flavor Blasted Goldfish X’tra Chocolatey (1 oz.)
Calories: 140
Total Fat: 5 g
Saturated Fat: 1.5 g
Total Carbs: 22 g
Fiber: 2 g
Sugars: 10 g
Protein: 2 g
Nutrition: Flavor Blasted Vanilla Cupcake Goldfish (1 oz.)
Calories: 140
Total Fat: 5 g
Saturated Fat: 1 g
Total Carbs: 21 g
Fiber: 1 g
Sugars: 8 g
Protein: 1 g

7 comments on “Snack Review: New! Flavor Blasted Goldfish X’tra Chocolatey and Vanilla Cupcake

  1. mitchery says:

    Looks interesting but I can’t eat any type of snack ending in grahams. For some reason they always hurt the back of my throat. It’s like the vendor injects scarlet fever into all of the packages i pick up.

  2. Charlotte says:

    You’re blowing my mind with the chocolate chex/cocoa puffs/chocolate cookie cereal idea.

  3. Rhiannon says:

    I’m not sure how I feel about vanilla cupcake flavored goldfish.

    However I’m also one of the people who can’t stand the artificial “cupcake” smells and tastes that are found in candles and ice creams.

  4. Dan N says:

    Adam, Unless I just can’t read, I didn’t see where you got these for only $1. Would you please share? Thanks

    • Adam says:

      I’m very pleased to confirm you can read, sir. I got them at Smith’s (Kroger) on sale.

  5. Dan N says:

    Thanks Adam. Too bad I don’t have them near me :( Hopefully I can find them some place near me.

  6. Thug Life says:

    I really really love the vanilla cupcake ones. I get a bag every break day I have. Love those little buggers.

    Still, the rainbow goldfish are my favorites, but these vanilla cupcake ones are not too far behind.