Snack Review: New! Flavor Blasted Goldfish X’tra Chocolatey and Vanilla Cupcake
It’s been my experience in life that Goldfish flavors are a lot like Power Rangers. They keep cranking out variations on the original formula, but most of them never come close to having the same success as the original. Once more, after a while you don’t even care to follow the madness anymore, choosing to resign yourself to the fact that there will only be one Tommy kicking to poop outta The Putty Patrol, and one, smiling cheddar fish cracker (baked, never fried) getting tossed into your mouth.
All that being the case, once in a while a sequel to the classic act turns up the genuine article, and just as Power Rangers In Space briefly captured my attention as an awkward preteen on Saturday mornings, so to have the two new flavors of Flavor Blasted Goldfish forced me to reevaluate my apathetic stance towards all variant flavors of Goldfish not named Cheddar or Pretzel.
Sweet Goldfish flavors have been popping up more and more over the last few years, and most of them are as bad as the acting on whatever lame Power Rangers spinoff FOX is running these days. There’s even a Chocolate Graham flavored Goldfish flavor already on shelves, but you’d do well to avoid that particular flavor, which is neither chocolatey nor sweet. I actually tasted the Chocolate and X’tra Chocolatey flavors head to head, finding the X’tra Chocolatey flavor to carry approximately 79.53% more chocolate flavor than the Chocolate Graham flavor*. The former has a cool chocolate coating and a burst of richness not found in the hallow cocoa of the Chocolate flavor, which isn’t even worthy enough to grease the joints on my megazord, if you follow my logic. My suggestion is to add them to cocoa puffs and chocolate chex for an awesome breakfast pick-me-up.
The Vanilla Cupcake is pretty swell too. It’s the kind of bursting vanilla flavor and funfetti-like sweetness which makes you realize that “vanilla” isn’t the same thing as “plain.” I liked the fine sugar and starchy coating on the outside of these little guys, and even felt bad sending their smiling, pleasant faces into my mouth for a kind of destruction not seen since Han Solo sent that Weequay skiff guard into the mouth of the Sarlaac during Return of the Jedi.
No, Goldfish X’tra Chocolatey and Vanilla Cupcake may not be as good as the original Goldfish, but then again, they’re good for what they’re trying to be; new and flavorful variations with enough uniqueness to be appreciated from their progenitor. Yet, like Alpha sticking with subsequent generations of Power Rangers, these two flavors recall the greatness of the original source, smiling faces and all.
*Estimate not subject to actual scientific inquiry, which this blogger neither has the patience nor budget to pursue.
Pros: X'tra Chocolatey is more chocolatey than chocolate graham. Sturdier crunch than hollow bite of the sweet "graham" flavored goldfish. Memories of putties. Made with whole grains, or brains, when you consider each goldfish is basically a big head. Cupcake goldfish a healthier way to get your inner cupcake on. Funfetti without the fear of burning down the house.
Cons: Destroying a smiling fish cracker. Unrealistic serving sizes. Admitting I still very much love Power Rangers.
Price: 1.00(on sale
Overall GrubGrade: 8.50/10
More Info: GoldfishFun.com
Flavor Blasted Goldfish X’tra Chocolatey (1 oz.)
Total Fat: 5 g
Saturated Fat: 1.5 g
Total Carbs: 22 g
Fiber: 2 g
Sugars: 10 g
Protein: 2 g
Nutrition: Flavor Blasted Vanilla Cupcake Goldfish (1 oz.)
Total Fat: 5 g
Saturated Fat: 1 g
Total Carbs: 21 g
Fiber: 1 g
Sugars: 8 g
Protein: 1 g