Review: Shoppers’ Colossal Donuts
I once read that we as Americans consume the equivalent of 3700 calories per day. Forgetting for a second if this is accurate, I had to do an immediate double take and question whether that was even gastrointestinaly possible. Last I checked, that’s a lot of food, and also last time I checked, we weren’t all hooked up to IV machines pumping milkshakes into our bloodstreams. Chalking the idea off to the kinds of stat people inevitably soak up thanks to either a copious amount of internet and/or toilet reading, I gave it up for a joke. That was until I got sidetracked in a Shoppers’ grocery store the other day, and found myself face to face with this:
Donuts. But not just any donuts. Colossal Donuts. And suddenly I wanted to try them all and realized that number might not be such an exaggeration.
I’ve long held that Dunkin’ Donuts corrupts the donut loving public with a false conception of what a donut is. That’s because they charge you a buck for each donut, and what you get is halfway between one of those health pamphlets explanation of what a “proper” serving size is, and what we’re conditioned to see thanks to big screen tv’s. Recent results from said non-disgustingly large donuts have left me in a silent boycott of Dunkin’, but stuck in suburbia, the proverbial mom-and-pop donut stand remains out of reach. OK sure, Target can do for a pinch, but try as I may, I have been hard-pressed to find cheap and ginormous donuts to satisfy my morning sweet tooth. Which is why I was so stoked and overwhelmed to come face to face with the most impressive grocery store assortment donuts I have ever witnessed.
Deciding on just one donut would have been impossible. So I decided to test out two flavor “standbys” that I can never seem to say no to. A sugar-raised glazed donut and a “kreme” filled shell with powdered sugar. At 59 cents each these are more than a bargain for their size, and even left me with spare change for a coffee down the street.
A perfectly executed sugar-raised donut is a breakfast in and of itself, but many places still manage to screw it up, often skewing the balance towards a cloyingly sweet glaze that tastes too much of polysorbate or failing to get the prerequisite rise of a squishy yet airy interior that tears easily and leaves a light, lingering fried taste. Shoppers’ definitely gets it right with the interior texture. While large in size and diameter, the donut manages a light interior with sweet and airy yeast-risen dough that reminds you of really good french bread. The taste of the glaze is just right — neither too sweet nor chemical laden — although the chipping effect is a real bummer. I suppose I should have gotten to these before the old folks breakfast blitz, because the glaze had hardened by the time I finally had mine.
My original intent was to eat half of each donut and save the rest for later. Fat chance. After quickly plowing through the glazed over a perusal of my morning email I found myself face to face with a heavy (we’re talking nearly half-pound) kreme-filled donut that had already managed to cloud my computer keyboard with a sticky confectioners sugar coating.
Suddenly remembering that statistic I long gave up for Snopes fodder, I decided to, uh, “forget” the kreme-filled donut at the market. Note to self: If you’re ever going to buy Shoppers’ Colossal Donuts in the future, make sure you buy just one at a time!
Cons: Chipping donut glaze
Price: 59 cents each (on sale)
Overall GrubGrade: 8.00 Very Good
More Info: ShoppersFood.com
Ignorance is bliss