Review: Hot Dog from Target
I’ve eaten in a lot of strange places, but never in such a familiar strange place, if that makes any sense. As a native Minnesotan, Target is as familiar to me as Starbucks is to a Seattlean… Seattleite… Seattleonian… a person that lives in Seattle. Even though I fancy myself an adventure eater, the thought of eating in the same place I buy socks, had me a little queasy. I walked into the designated “dining” area, delineated by a half wall which seems to separate those here to shop with those here for one of three purposes: killing time while your wife shops for shoes, thwarting an absolute meltdown of your 4-year-old by stuffing a soft pretzel in their mouth, or just being creepy. I felt like I was doing the latter. Putting this uncomfortableness aside, I took a look at the menu.
It was a lot like the ballpark menu at the Twins’ old home, the Metrodome. In fact, humpty dump’s current, deflated state made for the perfect metaphor of my appetite which was anything but inflated by the choices. In the end, my order really had more to do with choosing something which would get me out of this bizzaro world fastest; something which could be prepared and eaten in under 5 minutes. I went with the old American standby: the hot dog.
I half expected the person behind the counter to break into an “Apu” voice and say: “Oh no, Mr. Homer, you cannot eat those, they are only for display.” It came in a “combo” with a soft drink (that’s a “pop” to me) for the price of $2.50. It was well below ballpark prices, but given the atmosphere, I still felt like I was overpaying.
Note: Sorry for the overuse of the “air quotes”, but there were a lot of things in this “restaurant” for which they seemed apropos. After thanking my less than enthusiastic hot dog vendor, I set my combo down on one of the lonely guy tables that have two chairs, but not enough table space for two people to eat and found my way to the condiment rack. Wow! This was the most well organized condiment rack I’d ever seen. Some employee must have been bored to tears one day and decided to stand all of the condiment packs on end and stack them up like cordwood (either that or Rainman dropped by after realizing Target doesn’t suck as bad as Kmart). I kind of felt bad for disturbing them, but I figured eating this hot dog without all three of the requisite hot dog condiment colors (red, yellow, and green) would be difficult.
After decorating my hot dog, I took the first brave bite. The bun was a bit dry, but not stale. The all beef, Vienna hot dog was pretty much what you would expect from a sock, I mean, hot dog vendor. Two packets each of ketchup, mustard, and relish were enough to turn the tolerable, into tolerable for a thirty-something dude eating lunch at Target by himself. I finished in record time. As anyone who’s ever eaten with me will tell you, that’s probably still not very fast, but I really did wolf this thing down because I just wanted to get out of here before I saw somebody I knew. The redeeming item of the afternoon was the fact that the fountain pop selection included both Coke and Pepsi products; something which I had never seen before. They probably know that couples really don’t need anything more to fight about while shopping. So, whipped husbands, desperate moms and assorted sketchy people take note. The Target hot dog is indeed edible.
Pros: Hot Dog was tolerable, condiments neatly stacked, choice of Coke or Pepsi.
Cons: Uncomfortable atmosphere, a bit pricy for lips and #$%&*'s.
Grubbing on-the-go: 9.00/10 (I would recommend eating in your vehicle)
Price: 2.50 for combo w/med. drink
Overall GrubGrade: 5.00 (Mediocre)
Fat - 23g
Sat. Fat - 9g
Cholesterol - 50mg
Sodium - 1090mg
Total Carbs - 27g
Protein - 17g